Sexual abuse has a seemingly endless list of terrible effects but, first and foremost, sexual abuse is an attack on one's sexuality. Some survivors engage in self-destructive sexual behaviors, while others abstain from sex altogether. Survivors are often judged harshly for their sexual choices, no matter which extreme they turn to.
Promiscuity common among sexual abuse survivors
Many child sexual abuse survivors become very promiscuous following the abuse. When children are abused sexually, they are taught, either directly from the perpetrator or just by the behavior in and of itself, that their only worth is their sexuality. Perpetrators tend to isolate their victims from society as much as possible, so survivors tend to look for any form of affection from others, and, in many cases, the only kind of affection they have ever received had sexual undertones.
Therefore, these survivors tend to be very promiscuous, desperately seeking out the attention and affection that they need. Another reason that survivors become promiscuous is that they have incredibly low self-esteem and they believe that their only value is their sexuality. Beyond that, survivors may become promiscuous in order to "prove" that they are free from the abuse and, thus, free to choose their sexual partners. While it is true that these survivors are free to choose their sexual partners, they are still behaving in patterns dictated by their abuse.
Some sexual abuse survivors may harm themselves
Some survivors engage in even more self-destructive sexual behaviors. An overwhelming number of prostitutes are sexual abuse survivors. They often feel so cut off from their sexuality that they feel that prostituting themselves or participating in pornography won't even bother them. These behaviors often feel necessary for survivors – they turn to them when they are in dire financial trouble. They learned as a child that their only asset is their body, so they use their bodies to make money.
But, more often than anything else, abuse survivors participate in these types of behaviors in order to punish themselves. They feel guilty about the abuse, as if it was their fault, as if it made them worthless or dirty in some way. And they act out their feelings of guilt by abusing themselves sexuality.
Total abstinence from sex
Another possible sexual behavior resulting from child sexual abuse is complete abstinence from sex of any kind. These survivors have, because of their abuse, learned to loathe anything that has to do with sexuality. They see it as dirty and demeaning, and feel that sex equals control. They feel that they have finally escaped the control of their abusers, and that allowing someone else to "control" their bodies by allowing sexual behavior is unthinkable. To them, sex equals violence, and they see no point in allowing more violence into their lives.
People, in general, have little empathy for survivors who have sexual issues. Whether they choose to abstain from sexuality or to bask in it, they are teased about it. Particularly for the survivors who become promiscuous, they are often called "'cheap" or "easy" and looked at the same way the survivor looks at herself – as a sex toy.
Child sexual abuse has horrible effects on the sexuality of the survivor, but they can be overcome. Through therapy, support groups, and just learning to live their lives after the abuse has ended, these survivors can go on to live sexually healthy lives.
Sammi Feldman - I am the president of a not-for-profit organization called Kidzz4Kidzz, Inc., which benefits disadvantaged children, youth in foster care, ...
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